Officially Homesick

In the past months I have been here, never have i felt like wanting to go home as much as i want to now.

This will be my first Christmas away from home. There are only a few weeks left until Christmas Day and i have never felt the Christmas spirit less than any other Christmas season in my life. It feels so much different in a multi-racial country due to the people's varied culture and religion.

I noticed that Christmas can only be felt a lot in the city area, like in Orchard, in shopping malls and the like. In residential areas, not so much and even sometimes it doesn't even feel Christmas at all.

Here are some photos i took at Orchard Central this weekend. How i wish i see this everywhere i go here.

I have always imagined celebrating Christmas in another country would be a fun and special. What with all the lights and decors, it kind of gives you a grand idea like how you see it in movies or television. Though i already thought it won't be the same without family and friends. But it kind of really gets you when you experience it yourself. The songs that i hear in the supermarket are what really make me wish i was home this season. Maybe it's just me and my aloof or lonesome personality or my inability to just go out and do anything crazy with people around me, or maybe it is the place, or maybe it's the bad combination of all of those. All i know is that it's not as happy as you have it back home.

Five months in Singapore and counting. If i have learned or realized anything so far, it's how things never turn out the way you expect them to be. Although i am so thankful i have a job (knowing so many people would do anything to get one here), i am thankful for fellow Pinoys who are around to remind you a bit of home, there are still things that i feel missing. I miss my family, my friends, even people i never expect i would miss.

But still, if i had to decide and do things all over again, i would still come here. It is a stepping stone to my dreams and there would be no way to fulfill those if had never left Dumaguete. People need dreams to drive them.

I just really miss so much doing photography and blogging. Those have always been my outlets. I realize photography really inspires me, in a way that it really makes me feel better thinking of photographs i could take.. i have a vision of the photos i dream of doing. Artistic, fine art, unique, weird – some people call it. But that is how i want people to know about my craft. I want to be able to do something different, and different from what people are used of seeing. If i could just make a living out of that, it would be so wonderful. But i don't think it is likely. So i stick to my day job for now.

I do try and think how i can relive my photography with every busy week. Weekends are free but those two days i usually dont feel like doing anything but stay home and rest. I guess it does matter a lot to have people around who also have the same interests as you. Otherwise, if you are not used to it, it could get lonely.

In the meantime, i am contemplating on switching to a Canon full frame camera, which is going to be a very huge leap from my current Nikon D90. Still contemplating and it wont be happening yet very soon, but it is worth thinking about. It is quite pricey plus the fact that i would have to get new lenses for the new body. But i think it's nigh time for change. I may not be going back to doing events again.

If you have been speaking to me recently, you would know that this is how i am trying to distract myself from further disappointments in life. There is no one you can ever love or trust more than yourself. People who come into your life need to prove their worth if they are really worth keeping. Life is one big irony.

I am still looking forward to Christmas and calling home to talk to family and friends. I am thinking what presents to get them and im excited to give it to them come January. Two more months. I cannot wait to see home again.