An Afternoon at Silver Reef Dive

 Spent the day with the usual company at Silver Reef. We ordered from the restaurant which has a lot of options and categories. While waiting for the food to be served, we went down to the beach and took photos. Some lovely twinkle lights in the evening made the pool area look dreamy. We also loved the murals found in many spots around the place. Must visit!

Barter stories

The current barter trend is something I never expected to pick up so fast in just a few days. I first knew about it from being invited to the group of more than 22k members.

I'm actually not so much into trends but this one got my attention. Because for so long I have wanted to declutter and bring more peace to my work space slash living space. It can be difficult to live minimally especially if you're running an online shop and being a semi artist, semi-designer, semi-photographer.

So I found the barter concept very helpful, but it does challenge my introversion. I did it anyway.
6 barters after, 5 out of 6 being successful, I'm thankful that I got mostly things I needed that I didnt have to get myself and also freeing up a bit more of my space. Another good thing is knowing that my stuff went to safe and goof hands and it brought joy and use to them. Some new people I exchanged with are very nice that I was happy to add a little extra to the package.

I was also very happy to know that they dedicate Thursdays to local farmers because it helps that the essential grocery items we take for granted (rice, sugar, coffee) reach them easier than usual.

Bartering has helped a lot of people during this Covid season.

Uncertainties

I browse Pinterest especially when I feel uninspired or simply needing to find the words that describe what I feel. Here's one I felt I should write down.

There are days and nights that my anxieties overwhelm me and I find it hard to sleep. Sometimes they are bad enough that they even manifest in my dreams. I'm never a fan of uncertainty and these days, there is a whole lot of it.

In the previous days, I practiced this in prayer. It helps a lot but it takes some effort to fight the worries, as they keep coming back strong. And it needs constant reminding so, I go and stuck it in my fridge.

A year older [37]: Quarantine birthday

Today is special among all birthdays because it falls on a quarantine period. Everything today was most likely expected because there's less likely a chance that I would be going anywhere but home. I always look forward to going outdoors on my birthdays because I am a typical home-buddy. Going somewhere outdoors like hiking or exploring somewhere new is my way of making my birthdays more special than the rest of the days of the year. I just really want to make this day stand out.

I write this as this day comes to an end with a smile on my face. It wasn't bad. It's not as eventful as I would usually hope but it was good, that's the most important thing. My friends sent greetings through text and chat, ordered food for some people in my dorm, got a visit from a friend and spent the rest of the day with family.

Most importantly, I'm so thankful that I got to start my day with God. Because after all, I owe this day and all other days to Him. In the past, I keep reminding myself of the lesson that you will live or feel better if you try to keep being thankful to God, even the smallest things. It will give you a better perspective on things and it should make you appreciate life more, instead of be sad and anxious about a lot of things.

So today, among other things, I am thankful for:

- new beginnings
- family and friends who genuinely care for me and support my endeavors
- the gift of passion and creativity and the joy that it brings to me when I do it
- an able body, mind, heart and spirit to perform my work and duties
- thoughtful words and prayers from others
- bountiful blessings from God, that I am able to acquire things I need and even things I want
- the gift of experiencing God's magnificent creations
- the gift of peace, safety and protection everyday from the virus

A special message and gratitude goes out to a special someone in the past. I will always think fondly of you on days like today and all other days after that. I'll always wish I have a birthday candle to blow every year. There isn't a day I don't think about you and wish I had done things differently. Thank you for all the sweet memories. They are all that I have now. I hope you also thought fondly about me today. I miss you everyday. I miss you always.

Here is something that I picked up from a devotion I listened to the other day. I've always focused on a particular thing in my past that I feel is important to be minimized. It's a challenge for me but I hope I can always remember it:

I am still in the years that ask questions.

04.23.20

Afternoon at Agan-an

An afternoon shortly after new year, me and my friends from work took a little trip to the beach, brought some food to cook and enjoyed the sea breeze over bottles of beer and pizza. It was a great time away from the city and forget weddings for a change!

I'm grateful for people who take time to make things happen in short notice and free their time to spend with others to bond and cultivate friendships. Yes we see each other often but it's just different to spend time with them without being constrained by time or how to behave or dress.

Definitely worth doing more often!

The first thing I took a photo of, small fisherman boats on low tide

This is always part of the fun, getting the food ready! Sugba!

Some cats and dogs waiting too!

Some photos by the beach

Golden hour came which called for another photo of the boats! Such beautiful light.

Our simpleng handa! Manga-on ta!

Nalgene adventure number 1

I love this app which makes these film light leak effects. Took some randoms.

Until next time!

December 2018

It's Christmas Eve Eve. I wanted to write a gratitude post because I have truly been busy these past weeks and I don't want to forget what and why I am here and doing all these busy things in the first place.

Truly thankful for so many things but to hightlight the best ones:

+ family

It has been more than a year since I lived away from my parents house. It was a difficult but life-chaniging decision. But despite not being with my family as often as I had been before, I am so thankful for them for accepting me whenever I go visit, for showing support to my endeavors and accepting my decision to be on my own. Everything's a process so in time, I trust that all of us, especially my father can fully accept in our hearts and minds.

+ great friends

Everyone can be considered a friend, even a good friend. But a great friend is a true gift from God. This year hadn't been easy. I have only one or two people in mind who stuck by me through everything, despite -- but never left. Oh, where and what would I be now without them.

+ work and talent

For this is what sustained me and is sustaining me everyday. Many times I complain and I regret each time I realize that. Thankful that I am able to do work that I love at my own time and still have time and energy to do other kinds of work. To be blessed with skills that allow others to see beauty in the world, that make bring happiness to others in whatever way possible.

+ peace and safety

Not forgetting what a great blessing it is to be in this place, to have a home and a community and environment that is safe to go out and explore anytime; the blessing of peace between people.

Hello and Goodbye

A few more days before I finally say goodbye to my beloved Singapore. It has been home for me for the past twenty months. I've had very good times and some bad times but all the friends and colleagues that I met while I was here are people I will be thankful of meeting. All the days that I felt stressed, angry, lonely and sad are now okay because there were so much more good and happy times to make up for those.

I leave feeling both happy and sad. Happy because it is a decision that feels right, for my family and for myself. Life here had not been the life I had envisioned two years ago but nevertheless, I am taking home with me some valuable lessons in life and love. So there are no regrets. There are things in this world you will never truly understand until you have experienced them yourself. I feel somewhat sad because this place is close to perfect to live in. I say close to perfect because even though everything may be so convenient and easy here, for me, life still feels empty. Being away from your home and your family and friends is something I thought I would never be bothered with. It is still in the comfort of home that I am able to excel and be happy.

And I think every single day we wake up, we all continue in our pursuit to life's end game: to be happy. Everything we do in this world, even love, is all about happiness. And while we're at it, we try to contribute to others' lives and make a difference in this world no matter how small. After all, isn't that what we're here for? To have a purpose? Something. Anything. I'm pretty sure we were not born to just pay the bills and die.

I will miss the cleanliness of this place; the ability of its residents to follow the rules; the proper behavior the community instills in its citizens; the feeling of safety wherever you go, even when you're out in the streets at 11pm or when you are alone at home the entire day. I will miss my favorite food, the mala hotpot and the pizza and the wanton noodles. I will miss having so many options in a shop when I want to buy something, may it be clothes, shoes, gadgets or arts and crafts materials. I will miss speaking Singlish to locals until I realize how funny I sound. I will miss the convenience of everything in this place.

I know home can be so chaotic and dirty and smelly and inconvenient. But despite that, it's those things that I've grown up to so you I've learned to accept it. Because it is home and that's where everyone you love are. And wherever your heart feels most at home, that is definitely where you should also be.

I took sunrise photos at Kallang River weeks ago. It was a great way to start my day.

What lies ahead

"What did it mean for a person to be free?
Even if you managed to escape from one cage, weren't you just in another larger one?"

~ Haruki Murakami

Before anything, I wish to say that I have a new-found respect for poets. It's such a wonderful gift, I'd say, to be able to write things in such beautiful lyrical manner, in the perfect clauses, phrasing, diction and then finally be able to put them all together in effortless rhyme. I am aware that not all poems rhyme but they are all nevertheless poems and such way of writing can become an entirely different language on their own.

I had attempted poems when I was younger. It wasn't long before I decided that poetry doesn't like me. But I like it and I continue to like it even so. I also attempted formal writing. One time, I wanted to join the high school publication and was asked by a teacher to write about anything I wanted to write about. "Anything" was difficult. I wrote, but I didn't get accepted. Another time, I wanted to be a copy editor for this company, and as my application piece, I was asked to write about a stapler. I tried my best but I didn't get the job. I decided then that formal writing also didn't like me.

Other than writing, I had also attempted in two different occasions to try out a job that wasn't really my passion but people kept telling me I was good at it so I gave it a try. The first time I was rejected, the second time, I rejected it. And then comes the job that comes close. The one that I've created as an ideal for myself. That which I could make as a career until the day I retire. That which I saw would carry me every step of the way to fulfill my other dreams. I have made the second attempt and based on previous experience, the second time should be enough to let me decide.

Ever since I learned the tools of trade, I've created this ideal in my mind that would, without a question, lead me where I wanted to be. And I still remember so vividly how I wrote about it every single day in my journal, counting down days, saving up for that one thing I wanted the most.

Sometimes, in life, there are things you have to go through first before you can say yes if it's really what you want, or say no if it isn't. But most definitely not regret trying because without it, you'll be left wondering for the rest of your life. I'm not saying I have found what it is I've always been looking for, but I am certain this is not what I want. It's just ironic that what I could not wait to be free from before is what I feel would make me free today. I'm returning to where I started, taking that old same road, but this time with a plan (or maybe just half of it). I don't want to plan too far long in the future because we just never know what could happen. Laying out long-term plans will just disappoint you.

I've always lived by the phrase "Life is short...", do this, do that. It may sound very irresponsible at times but I try my best to make it fit in a situation whenever I can. Of course I know better than just do things here and there without being a responsible adult. I know it's not meant to be done in black and white. There are consequences and there should still be plans.

Only just a matter of months now...

Post-Valentine Thoughts

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. In some parts of the world, today is still Valentine's Day. In my opinion, it has become a highly-commercialized day when people (have this notion to) feel obliged to give flowers and sweets to their significant other and later on share photos of those on Facebook.

I would like to think that Valentine's Day, (although St. Valentine started all the flowers and sweets kind of stuff) is a special day to reconfirm love that you show to someone everyday. I think of it as an extra special day to express love in doing something special and meaningful. I mean, you can give flowers and sweets any day, everyday. What's so special about doing that on Valentine's Day? There should be so much more than merely giving something you can buy from a store. 

What is special and meaningful are the intangible things. They are those that you never forget somebody made the effort of doing for you despite anything. The effort behind a gift is what matters the most. That, to me, is a gift that trancends time; a gift that doesn't wilt nor melt in your mouth. It speaks so much more of a person's desire for someone to be happy, and isn't that, my friend, what love is all about?

A colleague told me yesterday, that no matter how small or insignificant something is, if someone gave or did it for you without you expecting it, it will definitely mean a whole lot more than the expensive ones.

Nevertheless, i hope all of the people i love and care about are happy and content with how they spent Valentine's Day. After all, the most important thing is to be happy. Life is too short to be anything but that.

Dear 2014

The year that was 2013 had been eventful, especially the second half of it. A lot happened and did not happen, most of them I do not prefer to enumerate. Let's just say I had a fair share of laughter and tears. There were so many good and some bad memories, but despite that I carry in my heart the lessons those experiences have taught me.

If you'd been following my blog posts (or the lack thereof), you can guess that getting a job overseas was one of the the highlights of my year. It had been a long-delayed plan which I was supposed to accomplish two or three years ago but never got the resources and time to push through with it. I finally stepped-up and got on that plane prepared to face disappointment in the face if I ever get to meet it. Thankfully, I found work after a week. I couldn't be more thankful. God has always been so good to me and I am grateful for His blessing every single day.

What 2013 taught me

- Stay focused on your goals. If you want to do and be something, get up and do it, there is always a way no matter how impossible it may seem. Nothing happens if you don't get up your ass and do something to make it happen.

- Everything happens for a reason. I am a strong believer of that. Nothing in this world happens 'just because'. Good things happen, maybe because you deserve them, because you made them happen, or maybe you are lucky or maybe because it is meant to happen for you. Bad things happen because you made them happen, or you made a mistake (which is ok because we're all human but you can try again), or maybe you're just plain unlucky, or... maybe the good things aren't supposed to happen... yet.

- Expectations fcuk things up. 99% of the time.

- Life is ironic. I could sing every line of that Alanis Morisette song and still not be able to convince you that it is. It maybe different for others but to me, life has proven to be ironic so many times I've already lost count. One of which is having to leave when something just gave you a reason to stay.

- Trying may or may not give you what you want but if you fail at it, at least it will give you the satisfaction of knowing that there was nothing more you could have done, for you have already given it a shot and you already did your best. Most of the time, it is worse to keep wondering if things might have turned out better or different if you had at least tried. And sometimes even, it takes more than one try to succeed. All this sounds cliche but it takes a person to experience things for themselves to be able to say how true these things are.

In 2014,

- I will try to step out of my comfort zone. I am one of those who loves that zone. I mean, who wouldn't? It's everything you've ever felt safe in. In my case, my comfort zone has so many aspects, from places, to food, to habits, to preferences in doing things. In short, I have never been one to take bold risks. This year, I will, not promise but I have every intention of, taking more risks, for the sake of living life the way it should be lived.

- I will see new places and meet new people. I am actually shy and reserved especially in the presence of strangers and crowds so this is not something I don't find easy.

- I will learn to travel new places on my own. I am usually paranoid about a lot of things on travelling solo things but like i said, I will control my paranoid brain and tell it to shut up.

- I will learn new hobbies and explore more of nature. I've always known that this world is seriously one giant amazing creation of God but I've never had such a renewed spirit of wanting to see all its glorious beauty with my own two eyes.

- Grab any chance to be happy, because life is unpredictable like that. It's best to do things while you still can. Do it now. Because "later" almost always becomes "never". Often we wait to do things until we are ready. But the truth is, we will never be ready. We just have to do things whether we're ready or not otherwise they will never get done.

- "Fortune favors the brave." And most of the time, what you are afraid of really won't hurt you in the end.

- "Life is not meant to be lived in one place."

- I will conquer new heights. I mean that literally and figuratively. I look forward to my first major adventure in March. Can't wait.

It may seem a lot but most of those can be summed up in a thought or two. I may have had a moment of epiphany when the new year came. I don't know if it's just me or the new year that resolutions always seem quite a hype but one thing I'm sure of is that I always live up to a promise. I'm always true to my word.

I also want to take the chance to say a bold thank you to all the people I have shared memories with in 2013 and the past. Nothing in this world would ever be the same without you in my life, no matter how boring and dull it is or it may become. Please know that you make it more colorful just being in it. I know not many people read this blog but if you are ever one of those whom I've shared a significant amount of time and thoughts with and you happen to read this, I just want to say that I appreciate you in every way.

The Sadness In Haiyan's Aftermath

My heart breaks from the sadness brought about by super storm Haiyan to my home country. The warnings on tv were enough to get worried thoughts for Dumaguete hover in my mind that day. We had experienced a warning like that before. It was during the storm Sendong or the one after that. My family stayed indoors and gathered around the living room, all the windows and doors shut with no power but candles lit and listened to the radio from our mobile phones listening to local reports hearing the wind howling through the windows. That lasted for about two to three hours and it was indeed strong. A lot of huge trees were uprooted and at that time, we thought that was already bad enough.

We were warned that Haiyan would be strong but no one imagined the tragedy it would bring to Tacloban, Ormoc and other affected places. Seeing live footage of people struggling to survive fighting for their lives, I have no words to describe how terrifying these people could have felt during that time. I can't imagine the terror of being on the roof of a house or a building, shivering in the cold, the strong wind blowing and dangerous objects flying everywhere. Seeing bodies of people especially of children scattered all over the place, when you can no longer differentiate them from the countless debris. The bodies covered and laid on the table, on the ground for people to identify, some wrapped in body bags, others already stiff and those carrying them crying while they move these bodies from one place to another... there is extreme sadness that I've only felt during my lowest of lowest times.

And in those moments, while people were fighting for their lives, I recall to myself what I was doing at that time. I was at work. Worrying and complaining about deadlines and clients. Worrying about my petty and insignificant problems. Shame and guilt eat me up when I think about it. While people happily said goodbye to Yolanda in their facebook statuses, people were busy with the beauty pageants and hobbyists prepared their equipment to photograph storm-related moments, little did we know that thousands of precious lives were being lost. But we could never have known. To be thankful that my home Dumaguete did not experience serious damage somehow feels wrong. It feels selfish to be thankful for being spared of something that thousands of others are suffering of.

I have heard of Anderson Cooper's name in the past but have never really seen him on tv. I heard news of him covering the situation in Tacloban, being misunderstood by Korina Sanchez, the President being bashed for a public statement, political officials being blamed, all these became a blur and were forcefully pushed back in my mind because I've been having personal problems of my own.

Cooper's last video report gave me confused feelings of heartbreak, admiration, gratefulness and pride. Heartbreaking sadness for my countrymen for the difficulty they are going through; pure admiration for their unparalleled strength in rising above the violent waters of this storm; the courage to break a smile and even laugh despite this ominous nightmare. The sound of a man's cry for the loss of his mother resounds in my head and sends his agony down to my heart. The sight of a man's tears falling from his eyes that show nothing but worry, extreme sadness and pain. I have never felt so many sad emotions happening all at once. Never.

But then, I also pick up a sense of gratefulness for the value of life and realizing how short it can be and how it can be taken away from you any day, any moment; to be thankful for the comfort of home, that we have roofs over our heads, clothes on our backs, all the food and water we can eat and drink, and our family and friends safe. To be from the country who has shown the rest of the world how to live and rise up to this painful test of faith and strength, i am proud. Proud of the strength of our hearts and our ability to help each other especially in times when life seems so hopeless and empty. 

The past week, I had not been able to focus on the recent news of the tragedy as I felt extremely absorbed by my personal issues coupled with the endless deadlines and pressure at work. I found myself mentally drained at the end of the day. I kept telling myself to go back and focus on the more serious issue at hand but my heart, as emotionally immature as it still is today, has made me forget how insignificant my problems were. I felt that i had no right to complain, I had no right to be sad about the littlest things going on in my life. I kept telling myself that people from home have lost everything they had and yet my problems were all that I could think of. God knows I tried diverting my thoughts but my heart cannot. When a lot of sad things are happening to you at the same time, it is difficult to wrap your mind around all of it. This big dark cloud follows you everywhere and it seems that it will never go away. A person can only do so much, but face each day with a heavy heart. I felt selfish and I felt ungrateful. I regret every minute of it despite the fact that it was something I could not control.

I am urging my friends and family to send help. I know goods and money cannot bring back the lives and homes lost but it could prevent more from dying and suffering. The help from the whole world is overwhelming and touching. I am saddened though of all the fighting, blaming and bashing that's been going on with regards to how help is being sent and received. All of that does not help and blaming does not make any difference now because things have already happened. It may be true that the government has proven to be somewhat inneffective, but there are so many factors to consider in this situation, so maybe we can try to see things with an open mind and try our best to help any way we can to minimize problems in sending and receiving help.

I believe everything happens for a reason and as unimaginably devastating as it was, as much as I would wish it never ever happened at all, somehow it had to, because it was meant to tell and teach the world something. It's just sad to know that lives had to be lost for these lessons to be learned.

From how I see it, it tells us how life is fleeting. Things can change in a day, in an hour, in a minute. It tells us how so many of us take things and so many people in our lives for granted. It shows people how to put themselves in the shoes of those who have lost their homes, crying over the bodies of their loved ones. It is already frightful enough to see on tv, how much more if we were actually there with them or was in their shoes. It is a wakeup call to us who have forgotten to treasure everything we have right now. It shows how very admirably strong these people are, those who survived and are struggling to survive. The strength to live through it and after it, I don't think I would ever have it in me. The help abroad has shown unity across mankind. We Filipinos are very thankful for the abundant help we have received.

But most importantly, for each person who has experienced loss in this tragedy, it may have happened to help us see the Lord. To hold on to Him when there is nothing left to hold on to. It might have happened to teach us faith, hope and strength. 

To end this, I quote a line from Rick Warren: "

You'll never know God is all you need until God is all you have."

On Life and Turning Thirty

“And I learned what is obvious to a child. That life is simply a collection of little lives, each lived one day at a time. That each day should be spent finding beauty in flowers and poetry and talking to animals. That a day spent with dreaming and sunsets and refreshing breezes cannot be bettered. But most of all, I learned that life is about sitting on benches next to ancient creeks with my hand on her knee and sometimes, on good days, for falling in love.” — Nicholas Sparks

I've been seeing a lot of beautiful sunsets lately. Sunsets almost always bring me to a reflective mood, and whenever I see one, I pause and feel such awe and fascination how something so beautiful could be so different each day but always look so lovely.

What I have been thinking about recently, well actually not just recently but for quite some time already, is about turning thirty next week. I feel hesitant saying it here because I think most of the people I interact with online do not know how old I am. I actually wanted to keep it that way.

There's a common thought on being thirty especially to people who are younger than that. Thirty is old. And nobody wants to be associated with being "old". Well, I guess there's nothing wrong about being considered "old" as long as you've done everything you've ever wanted to do in your teens and twenties. I wonder so many times why I've allowed my life to be this uneventful and unsuccessful for so long.

One of the things I've always really wanted was to have a best friend. I have a couple of friends from work, I have hobby-friends, high school friends, but a best friend that I can always call and just spend time with for no reason at all on a daily or weekly basis, I have none. That's sad, I know. One reason that I have so little motivation is because I don't have that. I love my current friends and I treasure them and I would love for them all to be my best friends but I just feel they don't feel the same way. Like they already have their own best friends already, you know. You just really get the feeling. For my other friends, keeping in touch isn't easy because they work in other places. So I kind of gave up on having a best friend a long time ago. I just thought it would be nice to have someone just in case I don't end up having a family of my own.

I saw an episode of tv show Friends, the title was "The one where everybody turns thirty" and it was about Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) not liking the fact that she's turning thirty because unlike her friends, she has no child or a serious relationship with a guy at her age. At the end of the episode, they pointed out that being thirty is not so bad and that instead of being nervous or sad about what Rachel didn't have, she should be thankful for having everything she has and that includes all her five friends who care and love her.

That is true, I guess, but no matter how I make myself think positively, there's always this negative vibe trying to penetrate my head. I guess it is different for each person because we live different lives. I do have plans though on taking on pursuing my dream job and starting to live life how I want it but I can only do so much. Life is such a beautiful gift and I am afraid that I might not be able to live it the way I want.

Filipino celebrity Bianca Gonzales recently turned thirty and I feel so jealous that she feels so fulfilled at such age. She's mentioned things she's done, people she's met and I try to do the same, mostly about things I've done but I cannot name a lot. It only means I have a lot of catching up to do starting right now. I know it's not nice and healthy to compare our lives with others but with all this social media around me, I can't help but end up doing it! Often, I just wish I could to stop looking at Facebook. I'm not addicted to it or anything but ghad, when I open it, all these things are happening in other people's lives that just makes me rethink what I've been doing in mine.

I already know the answer to this dilemma but there's so much uncertainty. I'm not the spontaneous type of person and I like to think of backup plans just in case I get something unexpected.

But I know one thing I want to be no matter what happens and that is to be happy. Life is simply about working and living life to achieve happiness, big and small.

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” — John Lennon

Heavy Thoughts

I am still in the middle of this quarter-life crisis (think I've had this crisis since I finished school, why does it ever go away?) and I have been doing a lot of thinking in terms of my personal growth, career growth and whatever else that i should have accomplished today as a human being.

So many times I wish life could remain so simple so that I could still go out and experience the world as it is, more exactly, as how i remember living it as a child.

I have also been thinking so much about my photography and how i truly want to put more thought into my work. What brought about this thought is having watched "What Remains: The Life and Work of Sally Mann". I realize that the reason I've been having a withdrawal on my photography recently is because I finally know what I want my work to be, which is to be something inclined to being an art rather than being inclined to commercialism. I want my work to speak volumes, trigger emotions.

I want to be a changed person because of it, and not just snap at anything randomly. Nothing wrong with that because I went through a long time doing that, and I still do until now but I'm feeling the need to improve and put more meaning into images. Although snapping "randoms" helps a lot, there's really something else in it that's in a higher level than what most people see and understand.

I am also rethinking what I'll be doing next year, in terms of career. Right now, I'm a teacher but i'm really not happy doing it anymore. It never really has been my dream to be a teacher but I'm truly grateful for the things I've learned while being one. It just doesn't get me thinking that I can do it forever.

I also do not dream of becoming a professional photographer as what most people around me think. I just really want photography to be something that I do to express and for it to inspire me to do my dream job,  to live life as it's supposed to be lived.

I have just been feeling really down lately. I'm not a religious person but I try to seek a little help from God, 'cause maybe he knows where i'm supposed to be going.

I hate to be all dramatic and thoughtful, but, you know, there comes a time in a person's life when there's a need to think things over, the serious things in life.

Sometimes, I just feel like i want to stare into space for hours and sleep.

I've been watching Friends reruns to cheer myself up a bit. Now, Friends is also making me wish I had great funny friends and room mates. Sigh.

On a side note, I hope Saibh is enjoying her vacation right now.